Technology TransactionsA Good Gift For Holiday Season: Take An Interest In The People Around You
Softly, I put down the phone. My old friend in Atlanta called to tell me in a weighted voice that a former classmate had a serious form of cancer. She was to begin two years of chemotherapy and radiation immediately.
Her warning sign had been extreme fatigue. I was filled with the dread that is becoming depressingly frequent with regard to my baby boomer age group. So few of my friends and acquaintances have escaped heavy suffering.
While neither of us claimed this gal as a close friend, our shock and unease lay heavy between us. Adolescent tiffs seem ridiculous at such times. When we thought of her it was as the teenage cohort who had a crush on the boy she would later marry … and divorce.
She is our age. While neither of us had stayed in this person’s life, my immediate reaction was to do something. Would a note be welcome? I could notify some friends who were closer to make sure they knew. Or simply offer up a prayer.
At one point my close friend observed that it was interesting to watch how people react in a crisis. The people who show up at the door are not necessarily whom you might expect. She knew this from her own personal trials.
I remember that also from my own divorce. Pain is pain. Some people rush to help. Others flee as if it is catching. Yet there are so many roles one can play when confronted with the misery in other people’s lives. So many ways to comfort.
There are the spiritualists, those who pray beautifully and with great healing power. Then there are the Romans, those who
move and rebuild. They help you box up and move, drive you to the doctor, bring by a casserole, make arrangements. These can be best friends or family. But not always.
There are sweet surprises along the way who assuage hurt and fear in the midst of suffering. There are those people who will leave their comfort zone at a party or the grocery store, walk across a room and simply be an encouragement. There is the handyman who won’t accept a fee for fixing the broken dishwasher. There is the couple who insists on including you at their dinner party.
I’ll never forget the time when I went zombie-like to every child’s competition and pep rally where I was too bereft to socialize or even cheer. So I sat apart from the other parents.
At a wrestling match, one father I barely knew picked up and moved behind me and began cheering loudly for my son. Soon, other parents whose names I can’t recall, circled around me and did the same. They were simply aware. They eased my heart.
I do not fault those people who cannot find the time to help, be gracious, or serve others in their time of need, because it is
impossible to know what is going on in other people’s lives.
The vivacious neighbor who seems to be a fair weather friend may be dealing with a senile parent, a cheating spouse, a
disordered child or a lawsuit, very, very privately. The outwardly successful professional may be fighting alcoholism, depression or financial worries. He or she may simply have no energy to give and is doing a kindness to let those who can minister be more available.
But in the busyness of our daily lives, especially during the holidays when we are supposed to all be jolly, the greatest gift we can give to others is to take the time to reflect on those around us.
To come into simple awareness. That’s when miracles happen.